I coach or help coach many of my son’s sports teams, ranging from little league baseball, to basketball to flag football. I’ve been doing this for several years now, and even though he’s now 10 and in his 4th year of playing these sports it’s amazing the amount of work, and restraint, it takes to organize 10-12 boys for practice. EVERY TIME.
Below is a synopsis of what a typical “team meeting” sounds like. Continue reading
I am an expert in movie quotes. I do not receive compensation for this skill, but I should. Below are a few of my favorite movie quotes under 5 words (yes, I have such a list). If you’re feeling lucky, or want to test your wits against mine, respond with your answers to the movies each quote represents.
Skill level: Intermediate. Good Luck! Continue reading
I recently had 4 cysts removed. 3 on my scalp and 1 on my back. They were not cancerous or anything serious, just cosmetic. Cosmetic. I’m 42 with a thinning hair line with an aggressively progressing gray streak. I am not a fat ass but I would never be confused with Ryan Gosling. Since I’ve been snowed in for a week, I’ve had time to deliberate why I had these removed as I artfully hold ice packs on my head with a tight fitting beanie cap. And it’s just simple vanity. I didn’t want to be called “Captain Lumpy Head”, or “Humpy McHumpback.” Combined these 4 cysts wouldn’t amount to the size of a cherry tomato, but in my mind metaphorically they were each golf ball sized. As my hair continues to recede I didn’t want the bumps to continue to protrude. When I go to the pool or beach with the kids I didn’t want my back bump to be an eyesore. Clearly these things were more measurable than my pale stick legs and man boobs. As I continue to progress into my soft middle-aged self, I suppose this was one last ditch effort to maintain whatever dignity I have left. Continue reading
So here I sit. In the midst of an unprecedented winter storm pounding the Mid-Atlantic. 20 inches of snow and counting, predicted to nearly double by the end of the day. The first thought in my head is, “why the hell couldn’t this happen during college football season?” Because this is my dream. Sitting around lazily all Saturday with my pajamas still on, with nowhere to go, nothing to do. If it was football season, I’d just sit and watch games all day long. Doesn’t matter who is playing; any team from any conference for any stakes. I just love watching the games. This is what I did every Saturday during football season when I was in my 20’s before I had kids. I’d wake up, usually before noon, then hunker down and start watching games. If I had a bee in my bonnet I might get out of the house to run to Taco Bell to get $15 worth of cardiac arrest. Continue reading
2 vienna dads 